Once—and I'm not proud of this—I hired a teen-ager to mow our lawn simply because I'd been told that he was completing his scuba-diving training. He made a terrible hash of the lawn. I didn't care. Eventually, he was scuba-certified and licensed for scallops. Within a week, we went out on my boat. He couldn't seem to get under the water; every time he started down, he bobbed back up, like a cork. Presumably, he'd learned scuba-diving from the same instructor who taught him lawn-mowing.
- Calvin Trillin
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